Sleepless Nights
by gillybean12
Summary: NESSIAN ONE-SHOT. Cassian has a nightmare and cannot ignore his need to make sure Nesta is okay. (Slight spoilers for A Court of Wings and Embers and A Court of Wings and Ruin!)


Author's Note: I have just finished ACOWAR and I'm not handling my feelings well, oh my god. What a series. I can't wait for the next book. But I have Nessian plot bunnies roaming around in my head so I need to get them out, even though I'm sure something like this has likely been written before...but who doesn't love Nessian, amirite? Also for anyone who may not know, as I didn't until the other day, certain books in the US sold in Target of ACOMAF had a bonus Nessian chapter in called "a court of wings and embers". I DIED OKAY.

Disclaimer: sadly I am not Sarah J Maas. I do not have her amazing world building or character development ability and I do not have her imagination. Ooooooh that I did. All characters belong to her, and I will be referring to some book passages throughout this fic in order to give it a point of reference- no copyright infringement intended!

Sleepless Nights

The blanket slipped off his bed, as Cassian tossed and turned in his sleep. He felt panicked. He was back on the floor in that room, watching as Nesta was dragged to the cauldron. He kept trying to yell her name, feeling her screams along the bond that pulled tight within his chest, but he was frozen in place and couldn't move, couldn't even twitch towards her. As she got closer to the cauldron, he fought and fought against the resistance keeping him in place. A sharp pain he recognised flowing all through his back. His wings were shredded once again. Shredded from shielding Azriel from the blast. He still didn't regret his actions, he would have done it for anyone, but now it meant that Nesta, the girl who had fire in her heart and steel in her soul, was alone and he couldn't help her.

She was his mate. He had known it for a while now. He had known it since she had cried to the human queens, begging for their assistance in the war. Before he had known what he was doing, he was standing in front of her, staring her straight in the eyes as he wiped away her tears, telling her that he would happily fight for them, for the humans...for _her._ It had taken all of his self control to not blurt out that he was protective over her because she was his mate when she had all but admitted about a previous male attacking her. When he had probed her by asking " _Did someone hurt you?"_ and she hesitated, he felt red mist like he never had before. The idea of someone putting hands on her, against her will, hurting her, made him want to tear whoever it was to shreds. She never said the words, but he had felt her emotions through the bond. He had just about managed to hold his tongue and instead say " _I'd do it for_ anyone", while gripping her hand against his chest. When what he had wanted to say was " _for you_ ".

He had been half-concious when she was taken over to the cauldron, and hadn't even truly been aware of what was happening. But he remembers how her screams sounded, through the gag. He remembers trying to hard to force his wings to let him off the floor, to support him when he needed them most. To help him obey his body's primal demand of " _GET TO HER"_. But he couldn't even lift his head up off the floor. He was a 500 year old commander of the Illyrian armies...and he had never felt so weak and helpless in his life. He had failed her. He had failed to protect her as he had promised her. He had failed to protect his mate.

All at once, he woke up shivering, panting for breath slightly. Nesta's screams still ringing in his ears. Cassian took a moment to glance around the room, and expanding his wings, he could see they were healed and intact, although scarred. He shivered as the light sheen of sweat settled on his skin. As he slowed his breathing and tried to concentrate, he realised that the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach wasn't going away. While the screams of his mate had gone quiet, he could still hear her whimpering in the back of his mind. Something wasn't right. He felt uneasy. His gut was yelling at him once again " _GET TO HER"._ So without much of a second thought, he grabbed his jacket, and flew through the door. To her.

Cassian landed with a soft thud outside of Nesta's room in the townhouse, the sisters had been living in the night court since the events of the war and their old family home had been destroyed. He had been in front of her door for all of three seconds when it opened, to show a breathless Nesta standing on the other side, staring at him with wide eyes. She appeared to take a breath and suddenly a calm mask set over her face. " _Why are you here?_ " she asked, almost coldly. But Cassian didn't have time for bullshit. He didn't have the patience for the usual dance they did. He cut straight to it, " _Are you okay_? _"._ Nesta glanced at him up and down, noting that under his jacket, he was only half dressed, his hair was loose, the concern in his eyes as he studied her up and down, he had clearly come here in a bit of a rush. " _Why wouldn't I be_?" she said, wrapping her dressing gown around her, cutting off his view of her nightgown, and her long legs. He glanced up and down the hallway before quietly asking if he could come inside her room, he was surprised when she stood backwards after hesitating only for a few seconds, and closing the door behind them, locking out the world. He initially walked straight over to the window in her room, making sure that there was a distance between the two of them, knowing that Nesta may be likely to throw a slap at him should she decide he got too close.

" _I heard you, screaming_ " Cassian stated bluntly, and Nesta felt her cheeks colour slightly, wondering if this was going to be a cheesy innuendo, some rubbish sex joke he decided to randomly play at this time of night, but he continued "w _himpering, moaning...I couldn't get it out of my head. I felt how scared you were. I needed to check you were alright_ ". He could still feel the last echos of fear rolling off her, so he moved closer to her, tentatively. All he wanted to do was hold her, to make sure she was real and he wasn't still dreaming. That she wasn't hurt and that he was really there with her. But he wouldn't do that. He couldn't do that. Navigating the laws and emotions of Nesta was like a tricky chess match. It was one of the hardest battles he would ever face. Like trying to avoid ash arrows constantly. But he had decided long ago that it was worth it. She was worth it.

His gut would not stop the insistent tugging telling him to go to her. He saw Nesta tense up slightly as he came closer, but she didn't stop him. She looked at him directly in the eye but her serious tone seemed to soften as she quietly told him " _I'm alright. I just...had a bad dream.._ " She broke eye contact with him and glanced down at the floor. Before Cassian could control his actions, he had hooked a finger under her chin and raised her head towards him, " _do you want to talk about it_?"

Nesta shook her head, a movement so small that he had almost missed it. He decided to risk his safety, and obey his internal instinct which was now yelling at him, and slowly placed his arms around her, drawing her into his chest. He was surprised when the only thing that hit him, was her scent. The last time he had gotten this close to her, was when he had come to liaise with her regarding the human queens letters, and it immediately made him flashback. That moment had been very different to this, it had been intense, sensual and bordering passionate." _I had a nightmare too_ " he admitted quietly, " _when I woke up I realised your fear wasn't only in my nightmare, it was real. I had to come and see you. I had to_ ".

He felt her arms slowly come around his waist, holding him steady, as she turned her head sideways against his chest and kept him there. Cassian could feel her pulse racing, but the fear was no longer there. He shuddered as she draw a finger down the inside of one of his wings " _Careful there Nesta, those are sensitive_ ". He bit back his more natural reply, full of innuendo, considering that he didn't really want the embrace to end and if he said it, he was more likely to get punched by her. She looked up at him, and smiled slightly " _Sorry. I just wanted to make sure they were okay..._ " Cassian met her eyes and understood that to mean _"that you were okay"_. Nesta continued in a small voice " _When you flew up into the air, to take your soldiers to fight..I knew that the cauldron was going to attack, I saw it coming. I saw that you wouldn't make it. I called you. Well, Feyre says that I screamed for you, but I don't remember that_ ".

Cassian kept his mouth shut, any other time he would have been making smart ass comments about how he could easily make her scream his name again...but now was not the time or the place. Nesta broke the eye contact and pulled her head back to his chest, breathing him in. " _I felt you. I swear it is like I actually felt you. When you were on the floor, with your wing snapped, I felt your pain. I wasn't joking when I said I couldn't leave you. I literally couldn't go. I felt like I was struggling to breathe. I couldn't go. I couldn't -_ " she broke off quietly and Cassian became aware that he could hear her sniffling quietly. He weighed up his options before taking a deep breath and deciding it was now or never.

" _Nesta_ " He started quietly, " _There is a reason I can sense things about you, and you can sense things about me...and it's not just faerie magic_ " he said smiling slightly, remembering again that visit, where he had been so close to touching her, and she had nearly done the same, refusing to admit she had been enjoying him kissing her neck, how his knees nearly buckled when she had gripped his chest through his leathers, his imagination running wild. She had accused him of using some sort of faerie magic trick to make her give into him then. She had clearly been feeling the start of the affects of the bond, although he would never tell her. Not then. But now, after everything they had been through, all of the close calls, and the fears and nightmares. He would tell her now. He had to tell her now. Even if she hated him for it.

" _It's the bond, isn't it?"_ Nesta stated, bluntly but quietly, looking up at him. Cassian was lost for words. Of everything he had been expecting, he somehow hadn't been expecting her to know or come right out and say it. But of course she did. Nesta was the type who called a spade a spade, and if she knew about the bond, then it would be a fact, more than an emotion. Cassian simply nodded in response. Nesta smiled a little, seeing the surprise on his face. " _Feyre had already explained to me about the mating bond thing because of her and Rhysand. She got sick of me shutting myself in my room and not addressing what had happened...what you had said, the promise you made"_

He may have been writhing in pain on the floor and terrified for her at the time, but he remembered every single word he had spoken to her. His declaration. His promise. He remembered the pain on her face, the tears, the desperation. And the kiss, oh the kiss he remembered as clear as day. The way he felt like his heart had stopped before he had even been killed by the King, the way her face had fit into his hands, the cruel thought that he would never be able to have another kiss with her in this lifetime again, after waiting so long- especially when he would normally be able to give her so much better than that.

" _My only regret is that we did not have the time, that I did not have the time with you. I will find you again in the next world- the next life. And we will have that time, I promise_." he said quietly, holding her closer and placing a kiss on her hair, the scent filling his head.

" _I know that the idea of bonds may be strange to you, Nesta, and I don't want you to feel forced, like you have to accept it or agree to it, but I want you to know that I do, truly, care about you, and I meant every single word I said on that battlefield to you-_ " he was cut off when Nesta softly placed one hand on his bare chest, where his jacket wasn't covering, and another on his cheek, before softly saying " _I know_ ". She raised herself upto him, standing on her tiptoes, before softly pressing her lips against his. He tightened his arms around her waist to steady her, and he let himself become wrapped up in her. It was soft, and slow, and perfect.

Nesta broke off the kiss, looking at him through hazy eyes, " _I was coming looking for you too, tonight"_ Cassian raised an eyebrow _,_ _"I felt your fear too, and I needed...I wanted to see you."_ she admitted quietly. Cassian pulled her back in for another kiss. He stroked the side of her face before forcing himself to say that he should really go back to his own room before they rush into anything. She cut him off, _"Surely if we are both having nightmares, and feeling each other whenever we do, we would save a lot of time and energy by being together..._ ".Cassian gave her a grin of approval before lifting her off her feet and carrying her to the bed. He shrugged off his jacket while Nesta abandoned her dressing gown to the floor, and they both got under the covers.

They lay next to each other, awkwardly at first. After about a minute, Cassian took the step that he knew Nesta would never be the first to admit to wanting to do, and reached an arm over her waist, pulling her closer to him, fitting her body next to his in an embrace. She looked up at him and he kissed her forehead " _No expectations. I promise you we have all the time in the world for everything else, and I fully intending to make use of that time, every day."_ His eyes twinkling at her in the dim light of the early morning, and she smiled at him. " _Right now? Just sleep"._ Nesta brought a hand up to cup his cheek, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her next to him, the scene of her all around him and the feel of her lips pressing against his own again.

For the first time since the battle, they both slept soundlessly.


End file.
